National Doctor’s Day

Instagram is telling me it’s National Doctor’s Day. I scrolled through my photos and tried to find something recent that’s “doctorly” and came up blank. Most likely because I’ve had some more pressing things on my mind…

The question of what to do about childcare has been this enormous, frankly stressful project over my maternity leave. How many hours I spent researching daycares and screening nannies, I don’t know. But somehow, a plan is starting to come together. On a resident + CPA salary this is a tight stretch for us, but we’re making it work. One step of this process is hiring a nanny.

Our first nanny candidate came over today for a half-day trial. She’s a very intelligent, responsible, capable young woman. Still, I had so much nervous energy about someone else tending to my baby that I bustled about in the kitchen, preparing food. This is not like me; cooking is not my favorite activity. So naturally I made steamed shungiku (chrysanthemum greens) with enoki mushrooms, avocado and grapefruit salad, shredded daikon radish to accompany the fish tonight, and steamed rice. “Um, it’s the first time in years you’re making lunch out of the blue like this… everything ok?” my husband said, only half-joking.

“What are you talking about, I do this all the time!” I coyly replied, continuing to shred giant radish as if trying to grate my insecurities into submission. Out of the corner of my eye I stole a glance of how BG and the nanny candidate were doing. BG was sleeping on her chest while being held, just like she does with me. A weight suddenly lifted off my chest, like a brick-laden backpack being replaced with a warm blanket. “She’s going to be just fine.”

Returning back to doctoring this week is bittersweet. As a doctor, I won’t be able to spend every minute with my daughter. But thanks to the effort I put in vetting a caregiver, her needs will be met. While I’m at work, someone will be there to make sure that she feels safe and loved, that’s all that matters.